If Mike Brown gave a $#!t.....

He'd fire Marvin Lewis today and let Mike Zimmer finish the season as head coach. He doesn't care, so I'm not holding my breath.

Bengals vs Bills aka the Pooper Bowl Week 11

Took a week off there, but didn't miss much. The Bungholes continue to find create ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Defense played well enough to beat Peyton Manning and a beat up Colts team but the offense continues to give away points and dig themselves into holes like a gopher. Way to lose yet another game you coulda won.

This week we'll let another guest blogger take a swing at previewing this craptastic team and their titanic struggle to get back in the win column. Some say that he can chuck more wood than any g-damn woodchuck and that his genitals are on upside down. All we know is, he's called Jason Johantges.

1^st Quarter

Bengals fumble a punt return setting up the Bills in field goal range where they hit it and go ahead 3-0.

The Bengals take the following possession (amazingly not fumbling the kickoff return) all the way to the red zone where Brat calls Pass, run, and a predictable QB bootleg for a 7 yard loss. The Bengals kicker of the week, also predictably, misses a makeable field goal.

The Bills go 3 and out with the Bengals retaining the ball and letting the time run out in the 1^st quarter. Bills 3-0 through the 1^st quarter.

2^nd Quarter

Palmer overthrows Ocho Stinko but on the next play hits TO for a big TD. Bengals 7-3.

Fitzpatrick, Lee Evans, and some doses of Fred Jackson abuse the Bengals D-line and Safeties on the next drive. Bengals fans start wishing for the return of the Fitzpatrick years. Bills 10-7.

Palmer over throws TO and then misses Ocho Engaged-o when he cuts short his route hitting a safety perfectly in the numbers for a INT returned to the red zone. Defense stiffens up like a Shestina crotch watching an episode of “Glee” holding them to FG. Bills 13-7.

The two minute Bengals offense falters as Marvin Lewis forgets to take his last timeout while staring blankly at the field. At the half, Bills 13-7.

3^rd Quarter

Remembering that Bernard Scott is still on the team, Brat orders a few runs and screen passes as Benson takes a breather. A few Gresham routes that actually call for him to run more than 5 yards and create coverage problems for the LB’s (wishful thinking) are hit. Shipley catches a ball that puts the Bengals in the red zone. After a predictable corner fade to Ocho Terrible-o and a draw to Benson (as predictable as the sun rising in the morning) Gresham gets loose for a TD reception. Bengals 14-13.

INT by the flying Fitzpatrick bros returned to Bills territory.

Carson misfires a few times and the Bengals inexplicably punt from the Bills 35 yard line.

Look at Fitzy run!!!!! Ryan Fitz leads the Bills, with Fred Jackson in the passing game, to a TD!!! Bills 20-14.

Bengals get the kickoff and run a draw play to run out the clock to end the 3^rd quarter. Bills 20-14.

4^th Quarter

Bad throws and Poor/wrong route running from the Reality twins leads to a three and out.

Bills end a 5 minute drive with a field goal. Bills 23-14.

Big return from Scott into Bills territory. The Bengals passing game looks like they were together during the pre-season and get into the red zone. The inevitable Brian Leonard shovel pass in the redzone is predictably defended by the Bills but he somehow breaks 5 tackles for the TD. Bills 23-21.

After a 3 minute drive to the 2 minute warning the Bills turn the ball over.

Power running by Benson opens up TO for a long catch as Marvin Lewis fails to blink. With 30 seconds left the Bills use their timeouts up as the Bengals go to kick a FG.

New Bengals kicker nails it!!!!!! Bengals 24-23.

Too much time left on the clock after a return to midfield. The Flying Fitzpatrick gets the ball to makeable FG distance.

The kick is up with 1 sec remaining, it’s veering to the right but still on line to scrape the inside of the upright.

Both judges look up and start to signal then BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

The Cincinnati Bengals Freedom Fighters detonate 30 tons of explosives leveling the stadium, ending the lives of the Brown family and mercifully ending the life of the Bengals organization. The city of Cincinnati residents cheer as they are free of the stadium tax burden and 20+ years of Brown/Bengals ineptitude.

Everyone lives happily ever. The end

Bengals v. Steelers-Week 9 (Guest Preview)

For something new and different, we're going to turn the keys to the car over to an esteemed guest poster for their preview of the Bengals game (since I'm on strike). Some say his testicles are shaped like 9 volt batteries. Others say he is paid in strong pornography. Either way, please welcome Brad Shestina.

The box score will look something like this

End of 1^st qtr:

Bengals – 3

Steelers – 10

End of 1^st half

Bengals – 6

Steelers – 20

End of 3^rd qtr

Bengals – 13

Steelers – 30

End of game

Bengals – 13

Steelers – 37

Carson throws 2 picks

Tocho have a combined 80 yds receiving. Brian Leonard scores our lone TD with a shovel pass inside the 10.

I will turn the game off before halftime.

Bengals v. Steelers-Week 9

I'm boycotting writing about this team anymore until they win a game. Miserable season just continues to get worse.

They should lose to the Steelers, but an upset wouldn't shock me. This team has the talent to beat almost anyone they play. They consistently lack the discipline or coaching to do so.

Looks like Vegas was very smart to put the over/under win total for this team at 8.